To the tune of "Escape" (The Piña Colada Song), with apologies to Rupert Holmes. I was lost in the desert, hopelessly dying of thirstAnd I thought to myself, this can’t get any worseI heard the roar of an engine, surely it was my hearseBut then a tall shadow cooled me, it spoke and I heard "If you like living not dying, I got an offer for youIf you give me your money, I’ll give you water and foodI’ll take you away to salvation, I’ll get you out of this scrapeSo just promise you’ll pay me, to make Parfit’s escape" I hadn’t solved decision theory, boy I sure wish that I had’Cause my savior was Omega, and if I lied I’d be hadBut CDT said don’t pay, just take the ride for freeAnd though it seemed kind of foolish, I went ahead and agreed "Yes, I like living not dying, so I’ll make your offer goodWhen we get back to town, I’ve got money for youI’ve got to get out of this desert now, I’m so tired of this placeYes I two box on Newcomb, and I take Parfit’s escape" Omega dragged me to the car, put a canteen to my lipsWe drove into the sunset, I felt nothing but blissI caught a glimpse of his face, and to my wondering eyesMy driver wasn’t Omega, but Singer in disguise "You don’t owe me any money, you’re the life I can saveAnd you should know I would have helped you, if you had lied to my faceI really hope you’ve learned a lesson though, about the perils of this placeDecision problems are dangerous, it’s moral luck you escaped" I said "Oh thank you Mr. Singer, let me buy you a drinkAt a bar called O’Malley’s, they make their Coladas pink’Cause I’m eternally grateful, for all that you’ve doneNow let’s get out of this desert, and be done with this song"